Human thinking and the emotions usually associated with this thinking can be controlled or changed by parsing the thoughts and emotions into the essential sentences of which they consist and then (by) changing these sentences. (1961, p. 28) Beck (1976) believes that as human beings we have been given intricate coping mechanisms that help us deal with our environment. He stresses that in many psychotherapies we are led to believe that we cannot solve our own problems.
He advocates giving the patient the role of the scientist to discover the flaws in his or her own thinking. Ellis and Harper (1961) explain that it is incorrect to assume that emotional pain is caused by something external, outside of us. It is often that which we are telling ourselves, which is causing the pain. They refer to this as “illogical internalised sentences. ” (Ellis and Harper 1961, p. 130) We often prolong painful emotional experiences by reminding ourselves of the tragedy of the event—for instance, the loss of someone close to us.
The question arises with respect to painful emotions; “Are they really necessary and inevitable? ” Ellis and Harper believe that the only justifiable sustained hurt is physical. I do not think they mean to say that negative emotions can be totally avoided. That would seem to be a simplistic view and one contrary to the apparent nature of the human being, as most of us know him or her. In fact, they state: Your desires and emotions are not mysterious, uncontrollable forces that drive you to their bidding.
Although they are deeply rooted in your historical and physical being and are therefore partly beyond your immediate control, they are also closely allied to your thinking and are consequently largely within your eventual control. ” (Ellis and Harper 1961, p. 184) It seems to me that all this sufficiently supports assumption that rational thinking is relevant to the emotions related to bereavement. However, it does not maintain an argument for the possibility of the eradication of bereavement related negative emotions through rational thinking.
Many painful emotional reactions are completely natural. Thus it does not appear that cognitive or rational-emotive therapy could be, in theory, capable of taking away the grief process. However, the notion that rational thinking can influence the grief process seems supported, since grief is an emotional process, as we have seen. Thus, Beck’s cognitive therapy is relevant to the grief process. Readjustment and a New Identity: Integration of Approaches Let us look more closely at reorganization of behaviour stage of the grief process.
Murray-Parkes (1973) explains, referring to his study among widows, that the bereaved often identify with the lost loved one—they take on some of their characteristics, at times. But the time comes when they approach the end of the grief process and start getting used to their new identity. They are now widows, widowers, people without a particular job, handicapped people. Their situation has changed, something has teen lost, but the bereaved learns to live again. Maybe an essential part of the social atom is gone, but the nucleus, at least, is stronger.
According to Spiegel, the lost person or object no longer has to be remembered constantly in this stage, but becomes a part of the person. Somehow to release the lost person (or object) is to regain him or her (or it). In Spiegel’s words: The effort to deny the loss and to find again the dead person in memories and in active roaming around brings often a greater estrangement than the liberating feeling of not having him bound to oneself any longer, and no longer to bound to him. Paradoxically it is exactly this release and liberation, which keeps the loss present. (p. 83).
With the awareness of this simultaneous loss and gain the bereaved has to adjust to his or her new role in society, in the family, etc. It is no longer as painful to talk and think about the future, a sense of the goodness of life reappears, although the pain will remain for a long time. In Gerkin’s works: “A new identity tested in the fire of life’s most painful loss is beginning to emerge. ” (1979, p. 161) This is a time for new relationships, new investments, and new choices. Feelings will have changed slowly and the grief-stricken will start looking at himself or herself differently.
This is the time when the bereaved will have grown to “be a different person and may be reconsidering values and beliefs. At this time the bereaved may be very open to discussions of the religious questions that appear sharply during grief. Gerkin says: “Bereavement is a time when pressed by the deep need to make some kind of ultimate sense out of what has happened, these persons are most open to ministry. (1979, p. 160) He makes it clear that great sensitivity is called for by the counsellor.
On the other hand, humanistic psychology work with people to achieve very similar ends, and they use very similar tools in the process. It requires counsellor with an open heart, capable of giving unconditional love to the seeker. Persons are seekers, trying to bring some to the dark places in their lives. The therapist is also teacher, because he or she models the three attitudes, which seem to be essential for healing, psychologically, emotionally or and for living an authentic life: congruence, empathy and unconditional love.